


Kill Me

by nanjcsy



Series: The Unforgiven [19]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Loss of Identity, M/M, Murder Fantasy, Ramsay is his own warning, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 11:25:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1856338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So many bad decisions, so many different paths could have been taken.  Only when it is too late, does he think of the last right choice left to him.  To die.  And now its too late even for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kill Me

**Theon stood in front of Jon Snow, head lowered, undone.  How could he ever explain his actions to this bastard, this simple bastard who has more honor in his little finger than Theon had in his whole body?  He couldn't and so he did not try.  The black looked right on Jon but not on Theon.  It hung wrong, it felt wrong and it was another wrong decision.  He stood in front of Jon at the highest point of the Wall, both of them silent.  Jon did not ask for a reason why, he just waited, silent until the two of them had watch together.  Theon was not surprised when Jon shoved him to the edge.  He did not try and defend himself with actions anymore than with words.  As he fell over the edge, Theon did not scream, he just watched Jon get smaller and smaller.**

_Theon listened to the incessant horn, the sound of war coming for him.  He thought he was prepared to be a Prince, to pay the Iron price for Winterfell.  It was all falling apart and he knew it.  It has turned to shit, to burning children, to lost heirs of Winterfell, to being fooled by a Wildling whore.  Turning away from the advice of all, Theon sat in the chair, the crown hurting his head.  Go to the Wall?  Turn tail, admit failure and run to take the black?_   _He chose to stay and fight._

**Theon knelt before Robb, the King of the North and put his head on the cold stone block.  He had no last words, what would he possibly say now?  Sorry, I betrayed you, my only real friend?  Sorry that because of me your brothers are lost in a dangerous world?  Sorry that Winterfell has burned down?  He wished that he had the courage to at least meet Robb's eyes, but he could not.  The words, his sentence came from a King, not from his best friend, they were cold, impersonal, yet deep down Theon could hear the pain, the hurt in Robb's voice.  It did not matter though, because the sword came down fast, and Theon could feel the steel bite through bone, then nothing.**

_Theon held the note in his hands, his mind in turmoil.  I need to send this to warn Robb and then I should go home.  To Robb, to fight by his side as I promised.  He said this over and over as he burned the parchment.  They are not my family, I am home now and it's time I acted like what I am.  Ironborn.  Somehow, I must prove myself to my father, to my sister, to all.  I am a Prince._

**Theon stood in front of his father, Asha still holding his shoulder, trying to offer what comfort she could.  He shook under the unforgiving gaze, trying to hide his mangled hands.  "You are not longer a man.  You have no value here and no home here anymore.  Saving you was not worth your sister's time and efforts.  You should have rotted with the Boltons, stayed their dog."  Theon had no words, no excuse, his eyes were downcast and he knew he made yet another bad choice.  He had no home, he never really did, actually.  That night he received a cold order from his father to meet him at the rocks, and Theon knew what would happen.  There was no trying to fight it, as his father's strong hand held Theon's head under water.  He opened his mouth wide and let the sea take him, take him home.**

_Reek watched in horror as his sister, Asha, broke open the cage, the lock.  At first he was terrified that it was another trick by Ramsay, but no, it was really her and that scared him worse.  How could he go back now?  How could he ever be Theon again?  No, Ramsay would stop him,  never let him leave and he found he was no longer willing to pay the Iron price.  Reek paid another price now, the Bolton price and it was too much.  He paid in blood and limbs.  Reek was not Theon and Reek knew Ramsay was his world now.  He has learned his name._

**Was he Reek or Theon?  He was not sure anymore, but it did not matter now.  Stannis had made his decision and he would burn.  As he stood, tightly tied to the stake, as he watched Jeyne cry though the rippling air, a name no longer mattered.   The flames began to lick at his feet and the pain, oh it was purifying, he screamed in agony and relief.  Sweet relief, it was torment with an end.  Something Ramsay would never have given him.  My name...is it Reek or Theon?  Who will I be when I face the afterlife?**

_Reek listened to the Lords all speaking of Stannis just beyond Winterfell, waiting to attack.  They were all buried in snow however, and though everyone longed for the fight, no one could fight the winter.   He had forced himself through the horrible weather to visit the Godswoods, the cold air stealing his breath.  Standing in front of the tree with its face.  The face was unforgiving, it seemed.  Then he heard a word.  Theon.  Was it his name?  Was it a judgement?  Please.  Let me die as Theon.  Please.  The answer was silence._

**Ramsay's cross, Ramsay's cock, Ramsay's knife, it had defeated him, cowed him.  Theon was dead.  Reek lived now and he will live because Ramsay wants him to.  He is Reek till he rots in the ground.  He only speaks when his Master wishes it.  It would be pointless to talk otherwise.  If he did talk of  his own violation, his words would just bring more pain from his cruel Lord.  Because the only thing he wanted to say, the only thing he thought of besides Ramsay was, Let Me Die.**


End file.
